Itamar Shapira here. I am from Haifa, an anti-occupation/war/apartheid activist, a student and a political tour guide. I am also a testifier with the collective AniSiravti (“I refused” in Hebrew), a new initiative of past reserve refusers. We publish testimonies of past and present soldiers who declare their refusal of the occupation, apartheid and war on Gaza today in order to grow the refusers’ community. I refused to serve my reserve duty in 2004 and served about three weeks in military prison. I would like to share with you why I chose to refuse and extend a call for solidarity in finding others like me - any past and present Israeli soldier is welcome.

I served from 1999 to 2002 in the engineering infantry squad. Our missions often led us into Palestinian villages in the West Bank, where we aimed to apprehend individuals involved in planning or executing suicide attacks on buses. Upon entering villages and homes, it was not uncommon for us to come under fire. On occasion those engaging us directly, and bystanders caught in the crossfire, were killed.

When you enter a Palestinian village, just like they entered Gaza today, the shooting is indiscriminate. You’re not really looking only for the terrorist. Innocent bystanders often bear the brunt of the violence. It’s not accidental, it's part of the rules of engagement to shoot anyone who may hurt you, including anyone running away from their homes terrified, if you suspect they may be carrying explosives. From raid to raid, we observed a disturbing pattern- individuals whose relatives we killed, would later perpetuate terror attacks. While revenge was never openly acknowledged, it unofficially lingered beneath the surface. Officially, we spoke about the strategic or tactical benefit of each operation, as armies of democratic states are supposed to behave. When I realized that we are actually in a cycle fueled by revenge and bloodshed, I understood that my participation did not enhance the state’s security.

I began to imagine myself in the shoes of a Palestinian, how I would react to invasions of a foreign military blocking and killing innocent people, blocking ambulances from the injured, demolishing houses etc. I realized that as an Israeli, I was perpetuating a cycle of vengeance for the deaths of innocent people. If I was a Palestinian, I would likely seek revenge for the death of innocent people on my side. It dawned on me that I'm a pawn in a game. A cruel game that not only does not end, with each revenge, it just intensifies. If twenty years ago up to twenty people were killed in each raid or terror attack, then today we see hundreds and thousands, even tens of thousand people killed. That's why I would refuse again today.

Towards the beginning of the war I was afraid to speak out publicly. The police, government and even fellow civilians were resorting to extreme measures to suppress any opposition to the war on Gaza. But today, more than ever, it is important to show Israelis and the international community that there are refusers and resistors of the war on Gaza. When I discovered the collective, AniSiravti, I was thankful there were others speaking out. They gave me the courage to share my story.

AniSiravti is looking for former Israeli soldiers who refused to serve and for those who found alternative ways to refuse their service (not as a political conscientious objector), and would like to publicly declare their refusal. We are looking for those who are interested in publishing a written or video testimony (with the option of remaining anonymous) of their refusal and are open to publish it on various social media platforms.

If you know of someone interested or you, yourself, would like to give a testimony, please share and sign this google form.

Help us widen our community so we can amplify the voices of refusers in one call to end the war and the occupation.